The World Bank data reveal that Pakistani women spend an average of 10.5 times more time than men on unpaid domestic work (Tariq & Bibler, 2020). Apart from specific domestic chores, the onus of performing all the categories of “care work” such as overseeing children’s education, rearing and parenting, and taking care of the sick within the household premises falls on women (Kirmani, 2020). In a context where women in Pakistan already have less time available to look after their overall well-being, the situation worsened during Covid-19. In the face of the closure of educational institutes during the Covid-19 lockdown, Pakistani women had to shoulder the additional burden of homeschooling, restricting their chances of any personal or professional growth, normalizing their additional burden as a part of their obligations, and also framing women within society’s scripted gendered identity and roles (Kirmani, 2020). Owing to their disproportionate share of care work, the expectation to leave their paid employment also surfaced (Alon et al., 2020) hence posing a significant threat to any economic independence that women might have previously attained. Covid-19 thus provided an apt opportunity to study the long-term structural gender disparities inherent in Pakistani society and the pandemic’s implications for the unpaid care work provided by women.

The devaluation of housework was most evident in the narratives of the women. Of the ten housewives interviewed, eight respondents mentioned this devaluation; ten working women also reinforced the same narrative out of which five reported their paid employment also being devalued during the Covid-19.

Work is defined by one or more of the following elements: 1) the binary demarcation of public and private activity; 2) the monetary net worth of a particular activity; 3) the patriarchal definitions about the legitimacy of labeling any activity as work (Waring, 1999). Although unaware of these formal definitions, the respondents felt that the lack of remuneration made their efforts inconsequential. Farah, a housewife aged 31, cited how her husband told her that his income runs the house, to which she felt she had no answer as that was true:

I had to agree to this, because bills, grocery, and children’s fees all are being paid from his salary. I don’t have any money to run the house.

Sadaf, another housewife aged 50, voiced her opinion:

We live in a cash-based society. The significance of any activity is gauged by whether it's paid or not. Whether you are earning something out of it or not is the main concern. If it is paid then it is assumed as work, something that society needs, and if it is not then the work is devalued. I think that as our household work is not paid, hence it is not valued by anyone. It is true you see. Covid times were the chance when men could see the amount of work performed by women in the house but I don’t think so many men acknowledged it.

The Pakistani government imposed a stringent countrywide lockdown to contain the disease. With everyone at home and at greater risk of contracting the disease, the work multiplied. Despite upending many of the women’s daily routines, women took it in their stride using different tactics to deal with the situation. Ifra, a housewife aged 46, opined how she dealt with the disturbing Covid times where she had to work nonstop:

Initially, it affected me but then I trained myself to not feel too much about no one valuing my work. I had to do the work anyway so why not do it peacefully.

The pandemic bared another inherent belief that devalues care work performed by women as well as lack of compensation: the flexibility of timings, and the apparently less “control” women have over their routines in comparison to men. The upended routines made the women’s work appear self-governed, order-less and whimsical, therefore less important than formal waged work. Kainat, a housewife aged 35, stated how her husband repeatedly mentioned this. She countered him by retorts about the significance of her work instead of staying quiet. The situation during Covid-19 prompted respondents to think and reflect on this issue. They woke up to the realization of their importance in running the households and reflexively discussed it. Maha, a working woman aged 50, who ran a tuition center in her home stressed:

You know, it was my tuition center that had helped us go through the difficult times of Corona, yet my husband would think that it is not work saying, ‘you just sit and teach. This is not working. Actual work is what I do at my shop.’ I have now stopped believing this narrative (smiles).

Likewise, Sundus a school teacher aged 33, asserted:

I thought to myself that any work that women do is not valued. People never appreciate whatever women do. So I stopped pleasing everyone and just did and thought what made me happy so that I could do my work peacefully.

Covid-19 highlighted the gendered fault lines in many of the households. It made women conscious, reflexive, and active agents who used different ploys to deal with the situation and remain happy. The awareness of gender dynamics within their respective families became crucial to respondents’ responses to their family patterns. This consciousness of “knowing and understanding” the sensitivities of their cultural transcripts and then tactfully dealing with it using their agency to make themselves happy, empowered, and relaxed was newly learned during the pandemic.

The gendered division between the “public” where men exist and the “private” where women are placed makes one “real” and productive work and the other non-productive (Daniels, 1987). The public/private divide further makes women’s work invisible by separating men from any affairs of the household, and tying women to familial relationships, marriage, child-rearing, and the household. Respondents commented on the changed circumstances where now men were also relegated to the private sphere, but the recognition of work did not change. This realization made them re-think their own selfhood. The very fact that they continually were looking for answers and trying to connect their subordination with larger systematic discrimination was, in itself, reflective of their agentive selves. Many housewives narrated that their work was rendered invisible because of how closely knit it was to marriage and parenting, a realm in which men have an ancillary involvement. Amber, a working woman aged 38, stated:

Once you are married it is a fact that you are responsible for all the chores. They are always considered a women’s duty. It is because of this that the work that women do at home goes unnoticed because no one sees it as work; everyone sees it as a forever obligation of a woman.

Farah, a housewife aged 31, opined that despite being on foot all day and taking care of her three small kids, she constantly hears that she is not working and is just at home. Women respondents had pinned their hopes on the pandemic to have their work recognized by their partners during that time. Housework during the pandemic gave women the opportunity to reflect on the whole situation. This invisibility of housework was seen by many respondents to be deliberately constructed to benefit the economy and the man’s more dominant position in society and some respondents suggested that their husbands knew the value of their work, yet they purposefully ignored it either to satisfy their egos or to deliberately constrict them within the private sphere. This is reaffirmed in Razavi’s research, where housework being performed by women fuels society and favors men (2007). Participants also shared how they are constantly fed with the emotional narrative of care work being their job to keep the power balance in place and women in a forever subordinated position. Knowing the benefit their work is providing to the males of the house yet accepting its invisibility by simply laughing it off was noticed in the narratives of participants. Mehwish, a housewife aged 40, asserted:

Whatever I do at home benefits my husband so much. He does not have to be worried about the household chores or affairs. He just does his outside work and that’s it. I think we are deliberately fed with this whole idea that it is our job to look after the house. (laughs) Women being too emotional believe that and continue taking responsibility.

Although the work appears invisible to other family members, the women––especially those undertaking waged work––were able to assert the tangibility of care work, which was made evident by the energy spent on it. Respondents also stated that there is continual checking, planning, and restocking going into chores like grocery-shopping, washing, taking care of children, and adapting to the demands and quirks of the family, which make them excessively exhausting, and noticeable to themselves. It was lamented that others do not “see” a task until it is done. Additionally, the idea and constant reiteration that these duties are spontaneously offered by women as an expression of love for their family cloaks the real effort that goes into the execution of these tasks.

The futility of raising their voices against the narrative of “doing nothing” stated by many women respondents was not perceived as an act of submission but a strategy to cope with the situation. For instance, Ushna aged 38, working as a senior program officer at the university in Abbottabad, responded:

There is no use in saying anything. Many times when I had tried communicating this to my husband instead of a resolution, always a new big issue has been created that has resulted in a constrained house environment. So I now have stopped saying anything.

To evade the debate, tension, and unnecessary arguments that arise from protesting, respondents submitted to the invisibility of their work. Faiza, aged 40 and a teacher by profession, opined:

It is very important that the peace of the house must be maintained. My husband is a bit short-tempered. If at any time I had made mention of the importance of my work the situation has become worse. I then think that it is better to be silent, at least in that way the peace remains intact.

This “decision to abide and remain silent” to avoid bickering reflects the respondents’ autonomous choice to which Mahmood (2001) refers that every docile action does not reflect passivity but might be a choice taken by women relative to their contexts. The whole narrative of invisibility of house and care work prompted the women respondents to reflect and think about this, which in turn became significant in cultivating an autonomous choice and will to make informed decisions, to make the situation better for living in such times.

Taylor (1994, p 26) while stressing the importance of acknowledgment states, “recognition is not just a courtesy but a vital human need.” The respondents lamented the lack of appreciation of their work. They spent unusually long hours on chores during Covid-19 times and expected to be appreciated. Luxton (2009) observes that in the absence of any validation, the job becomes riddled with contradictions where women contest between feelings of satisfaction and frustration. Faiza, a school teacher aged 40, said:

I became extremely conscious of the fact that no one was appreciating me although I was working round the clock. This realization came to me during lockdown you know because before that I did not think much about this, but during such difficult times, when I also got physically and emotionally exhausted, I realized that we women need appreciation for what we are doing right now and what we always do.

Most respondents realized their importance in maintaining the wellness of their families, yet the lack of appreciation seemed to make them feel distant and alienated from their partners instilling in them what Betty Friedan (1963) called the “sickness without a name.” They complained of spending hours on chores like cooking everyone’s favorite dish, cleaning, laundry, doing the dishes, or taking care of children or parents-in-law without a single word of acknowledgment by any family member, let alone their husbands.

Women respondents in their narration explored reasons for this lack of validation. Some expressed the feeling that as their work is done in the private domain and is personalized for all the members of the family according to their needs, there is no independent assessment of it except for the family who judge them based on individual preferences. In addition, the appreciation is often overshadowed by other ongoing family tensions, general tiredness, lack of communication, or the irritable mood of family members (Daniels, 1987).

Some women expressed a desire to “hear some good words” regarding their work from their partners or other family members. Others saw this as a futile exercise given the gendered behavioral patterns. Zeba, a teacher aged 38, suggested that this was a regular masculine attitude:

How will he praise me, you know? He is a man after all. Men are not trained to express emotions.

Where some respondents sought validation from family members, others constructed their own techniques to evade alienation and frustration, and to feel important in the absence of recognition. Ushna working a nine to five job at a university stated how prior to Covid-19 she would some time go out and have coffee alone to feel refreshed or buy something expensive for herself to boost her confidence. As this was not possible during the lockdown, she made some adjustments. She narrated

My husband was at home during Covid-19. It was the best thing. He spent a lot of time with the children. In that way, I had some free time for myself. Of course, I couldn’t go outside but at least I had some time for myself. Also, I gave the responsibility of my eldest daughter’s studies to him during Covid times. I got relieved of that too. So I then used to spend a few hours, even if not daily but once in a while as ‘for me time’. In that way, I felt happy.

Sundus, a working woman aged 33, similarly stated that she would deliberately re-arrange her cupboards (a work that gave her happiness) when she wanted to just be happy. Ifrah, a housewife aged 47, indulged herself by watching something on her mobile amidst all the housework and non-appreciative behaviors. These distinctive experiences shed light on the multiple ways in which women respondents used their agency to cope with an unpleasant or frustrating situation during Covid-19.

Women are conditioned and trained from childhood to adopt the gendered roles designated by society (Dotti Sani, 2016; Hu, 2015). Society’s normative expectations became exponentially strengthened during the pandemic where women’s vulnerabilities were aggravated largely because of the additional responsibilities that befell them along with the already inequitable gendered burdens (McLaren et al., 2020). Kainat, a housewife aged 35, recounted:

I just used to hear from my partner, ‘This is your job, not mine, so why do you even complain?’

Apart from domestic chores, women participants were expected to be attentive to the emotional needs of the family. Sadaf, a housewife was often told during the lockdown to take care of her husband more than usual as he was under stress to manage the finances during these difficult times. Sundus, a working woman, aged 33 reported how she was expected to attend to her mother-in-law’s constant mood swings but claimed it was very hard and exhausting. A stark realization by women evident in their discussions was that this expectation that emotional labor would be fulfilled by women during Covid-19 seemed to be an additional task informed by society’s gendered roles and expectations of them..

Interestingly, there were three women participants who echoed not only the realization of their subordination but also exhibited agency by questioning the injustice and asserting the importance of their work. They used religion to argue that housework is not a women’s job alone in an attempt to stand up to this bias and in the hope of some reform in their partners’ thinking. Kainat, a housewife aged 35, said:

When I was asked by my husband to do all the work, I did it but would make sure to say something so that he realizes that it’s not only my job (laughs).

She recounted how at one time when she could not do her chores due to illness and her husband put her on the spot for it, she jokingly quipped:

I was not feeling well so I didn’t do anything. But it is okay. It’s your home too and you can at least clean up the room to make it better.

Similarly, Ushna a working women aged 38, used religion to persuade her husband to see household chores as a joint responsibility. She explained:

During Covid just to push him to help sometimes I would say that religion doesn’t pressure a woman to even breastfeed the child. It is just society that has made it a must for a woman. Our Prophet had helped with the housework so why do men of today feel ashamed of doing that. Saying things like this he would at least pick up the tray (laughs a lot). But yes it was all tiring also to constantly say something to push him to work and forego society’s norms.

Highlighting the pattern of scrutiny, many respondents discussed that even though care work is considered a “woman’s job,” it does not exempt them from the constant questioning, judgment, and scrutiny of the society. Ayesha, a housewife aged 37, constantly on her guard owing to a highly intrusive mother-in-law lamented, “even I have to cook as per her choice I cannot cook the dish of my choice.”Covid-19 exacerbated this scrutiny due to the presence of all family members at home during lockdown. It affected the timelines of doing the household tasks. Sadaf, a housewife aged 50, narrated how her mother-in-law became suddenly conscious of how long she was taking to complete each chore. She recalled:

Her behavior became extremely problematic during the lockdown. All of a sudden she started complaining that I am taking too long to cook lunch and dinner. I tried explaining but she never understood and her attitude exhausted me.

Women complained of being stuck in a vicious cycle of censuring by in-laws/partners either for missing trivial tasks or not doing a certain task the “proper” way during Covid-19. Few respondents were seen to challenge this behavior. Mehwish, a housewife aged 40, reminisced:

The times in Corona were so problematic because my husband was at home all the time. He became so interfering all the time. There was no help yet constant criticism and it honestly was very draining. Initially, his attitude exhausted me but then I taught myself to not pay heed to his whining (laughs) because I had to do my work. If I kept on constantly thinking about that it would just make me depressed so after I realized this problem I tackled it that way.

Hira, aged 35. who runs a beauty parlor, narrated the experience of visiting her in-laws in the village during the lockdown and being constantly criticized for not doing things correctly.

I thought to myself that in this way I am like burdening myself by thinking about this and putting an extra effort to do things “right,” so I cultivated in me the practice of ignoring their comments. Doing that made my life so easy honestly (laughs).

After realizing a problem, these women respondents tactfully dealt with it relative to their context that rightly reflected their use of agency, which stands in contrast to the Western definition of agency, that demands revolutionary acts from women. Their agentive behaviors like learning to ignore or consciously rethinking notions of what is to “be at home” in a “culture” and to redefine “cultural loyalty, betrayal, and respect” (Narayan, 1997, p 9) in ways that would suit their survival within the set-up is very instructive.

Many respondents showed extreme dissatisfaction with the distant involvement of their partners in child-rearing. All women termed motherhood a “full-time job” undertaken alone by them. The predominant ideology that “children are a mother’s responsibility” and the primary task of married women (Pfau-Effinger, 2010) allowed men to abstain from childcare duties. Kainat a housewife aged 35, opined how she is solely responsible for her daughter and complained of her husband’s indifference. She stated:

He is criticizing Anaya’s eating habits all the time and constantly compares her with my sister-in-law's children. Anaya vomits everything that she eats. When I ask him to take her to a doctor and find a solution he just brushes off the responsibility asking me to correct her habits instead.

The nature of the pandemic added duties to the list of motherhood previously assigned to formal institutions like schools. One of the respondents Ayesha, a housewife aged 37, narrated how children’s online classes became a nightmare for her as she had to constantly monitor them during the classes. Faiza, a working woman aged 40, also recollected how the need for social distancing affected her kids’ routines and added the new responsibility of looking after them around the clock. Also, the husbands’ constant critique of the children’s upbringing, made motherhood more tedious during Covid-19 times. Farah, a housewife aged 31, asserted:

I got annoyed with my husband being constantly at home and criticizing the way I dealt with my daughter. Already it was all burdensome and constant criticism made it become more mentally exhausting. Instead of help, my partner became troublesome in the dealings with my daughter.

Many respondents reflecting on the whole motherhood conundrum iterated that in Pakistani society, childcare is mostly organized and embedded in the context of the male bread-winner framework. The nature of childcare in such a framework reflects some sort of informal, unpaid, and hidden type of work performed only by women in the household.

Respondents who had outside paid jobs seemed to be under the double pressure of managing and maintaining a fair balance between their multiple roles. The “double shift of housework and paid employment” (Treas & Drobnic, 2010) was evident in the lives of the working women. The “second shift” (Hochschild & Machung, 2003) intensified during the pandemic. A 33-year-old teacher, Sundus, narrated how during lockdown it became extremely tiresome to wake up early, prepare breakfast for everyone, take online classes by midday, and then complete all the house chores. Faiza, also a teacher aged 40, stated:

Sometimes I think I am working more than my husband. It is a dual job. Apart from physical exhaustion, there is also so much mental stress in managing both things.

Covid-19 redefined their workplaces hence merging their public work environments with the private realm of the house. This exacerbated the dual load of the working women respondents, who then considered it very difficult to maintain the demarcation. Women respondents realized working full-time, spending more hours on domestic chores, and performing more tedious tasks than men (Dex, 2004). This dual burden also then affected the efficacy and performance of women respondents in their paid employment. Faiza, a teacher by profession, narrated how many times she conducted her class without a lesson plan.

I would feel guilty about it but then I was usually so tired doing so much at the house that at night I had no energy left in me to prepare for my online class. So I then chose in my mind to be okay with this because everything cannot be done perfectly (smiles)

Considering women earning more or being equal to men as a deviation from the gender norm (Chauhan, 2020), respondents attempted to reaffirm the status quo by deliberately taking on more of the care load. This dual-burden realization was something that made respondents “exhausted, tired, and stressed out” yet attempts were made to sometimes pick and choose which work must be done first. Through this informal decision-making, respondents sought ways to tackle the pressure.